I spend much of my week delivering sex and relationships workshops and I often witness a preoccupation amongst both young and older women on finding ‘The One’. Although a romantic at heart, I worry about the impact that this has on female wellbeing.
In Western society, the notion of ‘The One’ is held in high regard and is yet another ideal pushed onto women as something they should believe. We see the same story repeated in modern media time again, often in the form of Rom Coms e.g. scatty girl who can’t get her s**t together meets a hot guy, sparks fly and her life changes forever as she is now complete *cringe*.
It’s no different from the Disney stories of yesteryear when the princess would wait for her prince charming to carry her off into the sunset so she can finally be happy. Unfortunately, we’re still being fed this homogenous representation of how romantic unions should begin.
As spicy as mind-blowing instant chemistry sounds, for many of us, long-term partnerships start as slow burners…an initial compatibility which builds over time into a strong, steady and fulfilling bond.
I feel that focusing on finding ‘The One’ sets us up for somewhat unrealistic expectations of a blissful and instantaneous union based on artificial portrayals. It also perpetuates the belief that a female cannot be whole by herself and needs to find her ‘missing piece’ to be content when in fact women are complete, whole and amazing beings already!
I do, however, believe in soul mates/soul connections which are deeply intense relationships in which two people feel inexplicably linked. In fact, I believe that my husband is one of my soul mates. Despite this, I think that soul mates can just as easily come in the form of family members or friends.
I put this eternally unanswered question this out to Shakti Bloom readers and here’s what they had to say:
Does ‘The One’ exist?