Does ‘The One’ Exist?

Many of us are searching for ‘The One’. The other half to our whole.

The question is…do they really exist?


I spend much of my week delivering sex and relationships workshops and I often witness a preoccupation amongst both young and older women on finding ‘The One’. Although a romantic at heart, I worry about the impact that this has on female wellbeing.

In Western society, the notion of ‘The One’ is held in high regard and is yet another ideal pushed onto women as something they should believe. We see the same story repeated in modern media time again, often in the form of Rom Coms e.g. scatty girl who can’t get her s**t together meets a hot guy, sparks fly and her life changes forever as she is now complete *cringe*.

It’s no different from the Disney stories of yesteryear when the princess would wait for her prince charming to carry her off into the sunset so she can finally be happy. Unfortunately, we’re still being fed this homogenous representation of how romantic unions should begin.

As spicy as mind-blowing instant chemistry sounds, for many of us, long-term partnerships start as slow burners…an initial compatibility which builds over time into a strong, steady and fulfilling bond.

I feel that focusing on finding ‘The One’ sets us up for somewhat unrealistic expectations of a blissful and instantaneous union based on artificial portrayals. It also perpetuates the belief that a female cannot be whole by herself and needs to find her ‘missing piece’ to be content when in fact women are complete, whole and amazing beings already!

I do, however, believe in soul mates/soul connections which are deeply intense relationships in which two people feel inexplicably linked. In fact, I believe that my husband is one of my soul mates. Despite this, I think that soul mates can just as easily come in the form of family members or friends.

I put this eternally unanswered question this out to Shakti Bloom readers and here’s what they had to say:

Does ‘The One’ exist?

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The Dementor & The Case of Extreme Negativity

Why is it that some people make you feel absolutely great and yet others make you feel the exact opposite?

We all know negative people…the individuals who simply exude bad vibes and make everyone around them feel low, lethargic and dejected. I like to refer to these people as Dementors; the characters present in the Harry Potter series.


They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them… Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself… soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.“- J.K. Rowling

Some may think this is a strong description but I do not take Ms Rowling’s words lightly! Of course, we all have down days but sadly, there are folks who spend their time sucking the joy and happiness out of their physical environment.

Have a think about everyone you know. Think of your family, friends, colleagues and your wider circle. Who do you love being around? Who makes you feel good and why?

Have you thought of someone?

If you have, I bet you have a massive smile on your face right now. I can think of those type of people in a heartbeat, the ones that can make me beam on a down day and are simply a pleasure to be around.

Now, think of someone who is the exact opposite. Who do you have in life that makes you feel low just by being in their presence? Do you have a neighbour that gives you shivers but you don’t know why or a friend who simply cannot bring herself to be happy for you when you receive a new promotion?

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